Ugly duckling

Sweet friends, it has been a while since I have updated this blog. Please know that it is because there is not much to update you on from the medical stand point. I had labs drawn a few weeks ago and did not get the emergency call to change my meds as with past lab drawls. My doctor and I decided that we would leave well enough alone unless there was a drastic change...so no news is good news. I do however have a few things that I want to share with you.

My oldest child, Bradie, will be starting 6th grade this year. She is beautiful and strong and not nearly as stressed out as her mother is at this point. I keep thinking about all of the ways I want to protect her. I think about the life lessons I want her to have before she walks through the doors. You know the lessons that you learn from living life, falling down, getting hurt, but then dust yourself of at the end as a greater person. I want her to have the knowledge from my experiences without having to get the bruises and scars herself.

Some of you have known me since I was a little girl, but some of you, I have not had the blessing of knowing that long. What most of you do not know is that from the time I was that little girl, I have felt like the ugly duckling waiting for her swan debut. Maybe it was the fact that as a gymnast I was a foot shorter than everyone, had that amazing Mary Lou Retan haircut, or just something about the way that I identified myself. At Bradie's age, I had one girl friend, Patty who earned her stripes as an amazing friend. Sixth grade was when I met another one of my best friends in the world...Doug. It started as a love-hate relationship, but I wouldn't trade him for the world.

I spent two years at Marshall with some of the most amazing humans on the planet. There was a group of guys that adopted me and let me tag-a-long. They were like big brothers...times four or five. Ryan, Scott, Mike...y'all were amazing and I often wish that I had been able to drag you around through the harder times in my life. You were like guardian angels...and you didn't even know it.

I moved out to Smithson Valley and the spokes came off the wheels. I had my heart broken and lost who I was for a while, but there were still a few of you that survived those years with me. There was a group of brothers, the McElroys, who tried their hardest to take care of me...but I was a stubborn one. I wish I had listened to so many of their warnings. I flip through the year book and get nostalgic like people do when they get sick, and so many of those faces have been lost. Maybe that is why it is so important for me to know that wrongs have been made right.

Over the last year, I have often found myself feeling like that ugly duckling again. My hair is falling out and I had gained so much weight from the steroids. My body and my heart was a mess...and that doesn't even include the scrambled brains. I often have thought about my final days when I turn into a swan and pray that it has been enough. What is worse than not being enough is if I have not made a positive impact. I think that is why we are all here. So this is my Oprah speech...lets all go out and make a difference. Make a difference at home, work, or in your community. Drive friendly, help a neighbor, say hello to a stranger...just don't take candy! Tell those who have made an impact on you how much you appreciate them. Tell those you have wronged that you are sorry, and even bigger, forgive those who have hurt you. Go...Go...Go! The clock is ticking!