Birthdays are blessings

I remember my 30th birthday being emotional, but today was my 32nd and it holds its own weight. Please hear what I am saying though, they were very different! On my 30th, I had just had a hysterectomy and felt overwhelmed at what I wasn't anymore. I was focused on the things I had not become, the ways I had settled, my limitations. I do not feel that way this year.

I wont lie to you, as I sit here tonight, it would be very easy to focus on the fact that I am so tired I could cry. I could focus on the fact that my hands are trembling and my fingers do not want to cooperate. I could focus on the fact that the only time I have weighed this much was when I was pregnant. But I wont...for very long. Haha Really, I have been completely taken by surprise today by the blessings in my life.

Last week, I decided I was strong enough to return to the gym. Feeling frumpy and horribly insecure, it was a struggle for me. You see, these people in the gym knew me as a very athletic girl who looked pretty darn good in spandex...if I do say so myself! Haha! Anyway, I was working out in a room surrounded by mirrors, feeling a little sorry for myself when it became clear that God allows bad things to happen to good people sometimes...but he always turns it in to something positive. As I was working out, there was a woman running on a treadmill behind me. I could see her in the mirror...but then she disappeared. Even with my headphones on, I heard a thundering boom. The woman had gotten distracted, face planted on the treadmill, somersaulted, and then was thrown several feet across the room. Before you have guilt for laughing, she stood up and was fine. Her headphones where crooked and she was red with embarrassment, but completely okay. But I suddenly felt better about myself and was less insecure. See, God is even in the sweaty stinky places! haha

Yesterday, I began another stage down of my steroids. I am now only taking 25mg of prednisone. While that is still a large amount, I am below half of where I was just a couple months ago. It has now been three weeks since I have had to take my daily insulin, and I have only had to take 3 slide-scale shots. I was told not that long ago that this would not be possible. Out of the 13 medications I was taking each day, I am now only taking 8.

Today, I woke up to see several emails from my amazing friends who were wishing me a happy birthday. I received many more messages throughout the day, and everyone made me feel blessed. I got a call from my Daddy before I had to start my day. This is always a mixed bag for the both of us, because we said goodbye to my grandfather 12 years ago on my birthday. I arrived at the Senior Center to find that my sweet friend Barbara had decorated my office with balloons, sidewalk chalk and confetti! To top it all off, I learned that I have lost 5lbs in two weeks. Whoo-hoo! That is just icing on the imaginary birthday cake that I am not allowed to eat! Jk Then I got to end my day with a call from my mother. It is tradition for her to ask me, "Do you know what I was doing this time...years ago?" It is always the same painful story, the drama grows each year, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

I told many people today, birthdays are not entitlements. Just a couple of months ago, we did not know if I would see this birthday. With the possibility of stroke, coma, and death being risks of every stage down we make, we celebrate today a little more than we normally would. Life is not always easy, but everyday that we have is an opportunity to be blessed. I am blessed everyday in different ways, but I am not always good about acknowledging them. Every time my children climb into my lap and I get to listen to their funny little stories, is a chance for me to remember. Even going into the office when I am exhausted or not feeling well gives me the chance to remember the amazing place I work and the special people that I am blessed to meet and see each day. It really is a blessing to be allowed to be a small part of each of your lives.

Stinking germs!

We have success! Nearly a month ago, I began the scary task of tapering down my steroid levels. For those who are new to the scene, this was a daunting task for me, because the last time we attempted this, I suffered a relapse. The last EEG showed changes to the brain from the relapse and left me with some minor permanent side effects.

We began the stage down to 40mg and stayed there for two weeks. I experienced headaches and fatigue for the first 4 or 5 days. Then my blood sugars began to rise and became unstable. This was what happened right before the last relapse, so it made me very nervous. We continued to pray and continued to rest, hydrate, and give my body every chance to adjust. Sure enough, by the second week, my sugars stabilized and my energy began to come back.

The Monday after we attended the Cowboys game in Dallas, I started the next stage down to 30mg. I had never been below 40mg, so this was a huge milestone. I took off work for a week and rested. Fatigue and migraines were the biggest problem. All of my nerve endings seemed to be screaming at me. I was on sensory overload, but by the end of the first week, I was feeling better.

It has almost been two weeks at 30mg and it looks safe to claim that the new immune suppressant is doing its job! My endocrinologist is so impressed at the success that she even asked me to try to come off the daily insulin that I have been on due to the complications from the steroids. It has been 10 days off the time release insulin and I have only had to take two slide-scale shots! My endocrinologist had told me at the last visit that she did not expect that I would ever be able to come off insulin completely, but it now looks like I may be off of it by the end of the year! I have had to switch to a strict diet for a while, but hey...after being on steroids for the last five months...my booty could use the diet! haha Oh, one last praise...I took the bone replacement medicine last week and everything went smoothly. I had experienced dizziness and blood sugar problems after taking it last month, but this time was flawless!

Okay...here is what I need from my prayer warriors! Both of my children were diagnosed with the flu yesterday. While I have had the regular flu vaccine, they are thinking that this one is either the strain A or N1H1. A non-active vaccine for that one just came available, so I have not had a chance to get that one. Between the steroids and the Cell-cept, I do not have an immune system to fight something like this. The doctors recommended that I check into to a hotel until this blows over, but you tell two little children who feel miserable that they cannot be around their Mommy! I spent $250 on Tamiflu and stocked up on Lysol and chicken soup. Just another adventure at the Dean household!