It has been several weeks since I found time to update everyone on the latest health news here at the Dean house. So much has been happening that it is hard to know where to begin. That, and my memory is not so good these days! Heehee
About a month ago, my son came home complaining that his neck was sore and he felt miserable. Within a couple hours, he had a fever and a horrible headache. He woke the next morning throwing up. I was lucky enough to get an early appointment where he tested immediately for Strand B of the flu. This was a fast hitting and vicious case. Considering the fact I am on high dose immune suppression therapy, we had reason to be scared. Many people with auto-immune diseases or suppressed immune systems die from illnesses, such as the flu or pneumonia, rather than their disease. No matter how you feel about vaccinations, I was informed the next morning by my immunologist that the flu vaccine I received months prior probably saved my life. I had just come off antibiotics for a sinus infection, and my body had not recovered yet.
In my previous blog, I mentioned that it appeared my kidney function was off and that I was being put on a new medication. I am blessed to say that the medicine is working. It does mean that part of my brain is damaged, but I am focusing on the fact that there is a treatment and my body is responding. I have also been successful at adding exercise back into my routine, so I have regained some strength and energy. This is due to the clonazepam that I am taking as an anti-convulsant. Prior to starting the Clonazepam, I would relapse after only a couple of workouts. I have been exercising for four months and have been feeling better then I have in nearly two years.
Despite having those victories in hand, I have been struggling lately on another front. Most of you know that I tackle my disease with prayer and a lot of sarcasm. Well, increasingly, I am struggling with my memory. This is partly from the progression of my illness, and partly from the medication that I take. I forget to turn off the oven, leave water running, forget why I am at the store...etc. My husband and I joke about "Mama's brain being a little messed up," but the kids have now joined in on the comments. For some reason, it stings a little a more. Watch out parents...everything you say does get repeated. Then I was sitting at the baseball field with other parents. One started talking about her crazy mother-in-law and how she forgets to turn off the oven and the parent is afraid to leave her children with grandma. Turns out, the grandmother was a client of mine when I worked as an outreach coordinator, and now we have the same problems. I truly feel that the enemy is whispering in my ear because I have been so proud of the progress I have been making. For those of you who are not Christian, I am sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I have witnessed miracles. I cannot claim them without acknowledging that the enemy exists as well.
The most recent test has been over the last week. I have been very busy and my body has been tired. Then I picked up my anti-convulsant medication from the store yesterday. I had missed a dose the night before because I didn't get to the pharmacy in time. I ran errands yesterday morning instead of picking up my prescription. It was mid-day before I did, therefore, too close to my evening dose, so I missed another. Last night, I finally got around to taking my medicine. It was just in time, because I was starting to have symptoms. The only problem was that the pharmacy gave me the wrong prescription. Another missed dose. I finally took it this morning, but I was already starting to convulse. I had to spend the next three hours in bed while my body calmed down. This was a reality check for me. Just as I was claiming how well I had been doing and began to live a normal life, I was reminded that I am sick. The medication only hides the symptoms, not the truth.
I recently watched Secretariat with my kids. The movie starts with a quote out of the book of Job. After Job has been stripped of his family, wealth, livelihood, and health, he begins to throw a class act, well earned pity party. God responds to him just as a good Rabbi would, providing answers in the form of a question.
Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane?
Do you make him leap like a locust, striking terror with his proud snorting?
He paws fiercely, rejoicing in his strength, and charges into the fray.
He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing;
The only problem with this is that it is not in full context. The Lord is referring to a horse heading into battle, one with his warrior. I promise that I will continue this battle with the ultimate warrior guiding me, so that his mercy and love can be seen, and we can learn more about this disease for the future.
