Life back home

As many of you know, John and I have been back to town and re-engaged in our lives for over a week now. We were both physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. We had the weekend to rest and settle in before returning to work. Yes, we both returned to work on Monday.

I returned to the office to learn that my computer had a virus. I was comforted at the thought of doing some work from home, until I learned that the brief electrical storm that hit while we were gone, fried the modem at our house. I also had a new employee start on Monday who needed to be trained, and a brand new data base to learn. Friday, we woke up to the fact that our well was out of order. This was just before my 10 year old woke up with a bloody nose. How do you clean the floor, sheets, clothes, and child without water? Both wells (water and the faucet we called a nose) were resolved early in the day. We ended the day with my 8 year old in tears because his prize chicken had been mauled! Apparently, this is not what the doctor meant by "no stress."

So how does all of this factor in to encephalopathy? I had made great progress and was slowly regaining my energy. I had been able to stop taking my NPH insulin (daily long lasting), and had gone a week without needing my slide-scale insulin (the insulin that I take with meals as needed.) We staged down from 50mg of steroids to 40mg. I had muscle and joint pain, as well as some swelling and headaches. But this was much milder than I had anticipated. Unfortunately, despite taking two days to just rest, the stress and fatigue had caught up to me by Sunday. My entire body felt exhausted in a way that is hard to explain. Apparently, my pancreas was tired as well. My blood sugars soared near 300 which is the highest they have been. The tremors in my hands grew stronger, I am having scattered muscle spasms, swelling and weakness.

I am still waiting for the reports from the Mayo Clinic so that I can meet with a rheumatologist. We are praying that the report arrives in the next few days and that I will meet with the doctor next week. While the immune-suppressant drugs are scary and the risks of complications are so high for me, I am prayerful that they will be the answer to these set backs that I experience when life occurs.

One of the many lessons that I have learned over the last couple of months is how little control we have over our lives and circumstances. The harder we try to hold on to the reigns, the worse things become. While I may not understand why we are facing this illness, I do know that there is a purpose. I also have faith that the Lord will see us through and hold our hand until the end. This doesn't mean that we are not scared or that it isn't difficult. To be honest, if it were not for the two sweet angels I am blessed and honored to parent, I would curl up in the fetal position and refuse to get out of bed most days. That just is not an option. And for those who know me also know that just is not my style. I can get through each day by taking it one at a time...but sometimes I am grumpy! Sometimes I throw pity parties when I realize that I have lost my cheek bones but gained three chins. Then I remember that I am blessed and many people face worse circumstances.